The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKPaarents on Twitter for more!
8 yo, singing quietly to himself "dancing queen, young and sweet, only seven teeth"
— Eliza Jane (@ElizaJaneAgain) July 2, 2022
My child is disappointed to learn that I, a burn surgeon, have never treated someone for a lava-related injury.
— Callie Thompson (@callie_mt) July 1, 2022
My friend told me her 2yo was loudly singing Baby Shark at the park and she jokingly said to another mom there “hope you like Baby Shark” and the mom said “we don’t listen to children music” if you’re wondering what it’s like trying to make mom friends in public.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 2, 2022
My 14yo is babysitting for the first time and I just received this text from him. 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/NusAPufVrR
— Danielle ☀️ (@DaniAndi4) July 6, 2022
Going uphill after a hike kids were tired and gramma exhausted and, long story short, my kids now call me “piggyback Uber”
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 7, 2022
you think it’ll be different when you’re a parent but I just heard myself say “how many times do i have to tell you?!?” and had a full-on ego death
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 6, 2022
My daughter made a new best friend, Mike, at summer camp. My best friend's name is also Mike. Last night I told my wife I was meeting Mike out for a beer and my daughter exclaimed, "MY FRIEND MIKE?!?" Yes, I'm having drinks with a preschooler, then we're getting matching tattoos.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 6, 2022
My 10yo asked if I needed any help folding clothes. I told her to get the towels from the dryer so she can fold them. She never came back. Good for her. Respect.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 7, 2022
A haunted house, but for dads and all the lights are on. All of them.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 6, 2022
“this is the best meal ever” my six year old said, shoveling half a cup of sour cream into her mouth with a corner of a tortilla chip
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 5, 2022
Child: I can’t wait to get older.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 4, 2022
Me [putting sunscreen on my bald spot]: There is no greater joy.
What I said: Please bring your laundry downstairs.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) July 5, 2022
What my son heard: Please drop your laundry from the second floor down into the foyer as I stand at the front door talking to our neighbor so a dirty balled up sock can bounce off my head and into her face.
90% of being a parent to young children is wondering if there's a leak in the house or did the kids just wash their hands
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 5, 2022
If you think Lord of the Flies couldn't happen, you've clearly never seen a group of 7 year olds go after a piñata.
— Northern Lights 🐸🐢🦎 (@PinkCamoTO) June 25, 2016
At dinner tonight we were looking over the menu while talking to @JustinThomas34’s parents about our child on the way. His dad asked us what we were having. While I said boy, my wife said pasta. She’s gunna be an amazing mom
— max homa (@maxhoma23) July 7, 2022
Took my kid grocery shopping to teach her math and she got frustrated by having to count then yelled “Why can’t we put it on a credit card like mom?”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 3, 2022
my son definitely got my attitude. he be looking at his daddy just like how i look at his daddy lol😂 pic.twitter.com/RwxjohTaSj
— SAMARIA (@samariajdavis_) July 3, 2022
9 out of 10 toddlers recommend drinking bath water
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) July 2, 2022
5 told me to come to her hair salon, rearranged my hair then put the mirror in front of us and said “well I look beautiful but I haven’t been able to help you this time” then she looked me in the eye and said “you still have to pay though”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 6, 2022
A dad’s job is not simply to just know the weather but to KNOW the weather. Heat index, humidity, air quality, everything.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 5, 2022
Kids often make sketchy claims that can be easily laughed off but once in awhile you find yourself doing things like checking to see whether “confuzzled” is actually a word.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) July 8, 2022
Being a parent makes me feel like @GuyFieri, not because I cook my kids great food but because I'm always saying "shut the front door."#parenting
— Happy Curmudgeon (@wholefist_doc) July 8, 2022
it's safer for me to stick my arm in a beehive than try to talk to my 9yo when he first wakes up in the morning.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 6, 2022
I complained about a crying baby to the flight attendant; turns out they won't accommodate you if the baby is yours
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 6, 2022
