ADHD Runs in the Family With Michelle Lassiter [Video]

By Understood

Like many parents, Michelle Lassiter started to notice her own ADHD symptoms during her son’s evaluation for ADHD. In this episode, Michelle, whose mom is from the Dominican Republic, looks back on how ADHD impacted her growing up in Mexico, Venezuela, and Puerto Rico. And she connects this to her son’s experience with ADHD — confusing signs, feeling “stupid,” and the strengths they share.

Michelle also talks about parenting a child with ADHD when you have ADHD yourself: “When you’re also lacking those skills, it is very tough.”

To find a transcript for this episode and more resources, visit the episode page at Understood. https://www.understood.org/podcast/ad…

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at ADHDAha@understood.org.

Understood is a nonprofit and social impact organization dedicated to shaping a world where the 1 in 5 people who learn and think differently can thrive. Learn more about “ADHD Aha!” and all our podcasts at u.org/podcasts.

Copyright © 2021 Understood for All, Inc. All rights reserved. Understood is not affiliated with any pharmaceutical company.

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

0:00
i was reading this book because i was
0:02
trying to learn about adhd for my son
0:05
and for me it was just so emotional
0:08
because i was realizing
0:10
that was me
0:12
i had struggled with all these things in
0:14
school and that’s why i didn’t like
0:16
being in school
0:17
the report cards
0:19
were you know she’s a sweet girl she
0:21
needs to work harder i always felt smart
0:24
but i always
0:26
felt like something wasn’t really
0:28
working
0:30
so as i’m reading
0:32
realizing
0:34
he has adhd
0:37
i started realizing i was struggling
0:40
with the very same thing as he was
0:45
[Music]
0:47
from the understood podcast network this
0:49
is adhd aha a podcast where people share
0:52
the moment when it finally clicked that
0:54
they or someone they know has adhd
0:58
my name is laura key i’m the editorial
1:00
director here at understood and as
1:02
someone who’s had my own adhd aha moment
1:04
i’ll be your host
1:05
[Music]
1:11
i’m here today with michelle lasseter
1:13
michelle is a bilingual speech-language
1:15
pathologist who’s lived in many places
1:17
including mexico venezuela and puerto
1:19
rico michelle has adhd and so does her
1:22
son aiden she also happens to be one of
1:24
my colleagues here at understood i’m so
1:26
grateful to work with her and i’m so
1:28
grateful that she’s here today hi
1:30
michelle hi laura thank you so much for
1:32
that sweet introduction
1:34
can you tell me about aiden what was he
1:36
like growing up
1:37
oh so aidan has always had
1:41
just a huge personality a huge presence
1:45
i remember coming home from the hospital
1:48
with him and my mom saying oh my gosh
1:50
this child is a live wire because he
1:53
just
1:54
his presence filled the room from the
1:57
moment he was born and he was very smart
2:01
he was very sweet very active
2:04
just very physically he’d climb up me or
2:08
he just was never still he wouldn’t
2:10
sleep but he’s always been just a joy to
2:13
have
2:14
did you ever notice any adhd symptoms
2:17
early on with him
2:19
i have been a speech pathologist for
2:22
over 25 years
2:24
and i was a brand new speech pathologist
2:27
when i had aiden
2:29
he was always extremely active but it
2:32
wasn’t until about 18 months i just felt
2:35
like something was not right and he was
2:38
talking but he wasn’t
2:41
using language putting words together i
2:44
noticed he didn’t have any interest in
2:46
sitting down with a book learning little
2:49
songs he enjoyed singing them but he
2:52
wasn’t learning the words so i want to
2:55
say about 18 months i went back to my
2:57
pediatrician and i was like i’m really
2:59
worried about this i’ve seen this and
3:01
some of the children that had been
3:03
referred to me
3:04
do you think he might be on the spectrum
3:07
and i remember the pediatrician saying
3:09
back then michelle he’s just very
3:12
excitable he’s not on the spectrum
3:15
that is the very first time somebody
3:17
alerted me to the fact that he might
3:20
have adhd
3:22
you weren’t on board with that at first
3:24
you didn’t believe it he was young he
3:26
was and he definitely had all the signs
3:29
and symptoms i definitely knew something
3:32
was off
3:33
but i wasn’t ready to hear that yet
3:36
it’s just a tough process when you’ve
3:39
got your beautiful
3:41
baby to think that it’s not going to be
3:44
everything that you hoped and planned
3:47
for and as a new parent it’s definitely
3:50
a daunting journey not to know
3:53
i’m seeing some things they’re raising
3:56
concerns is this typical i think that’s
4:00
really where i was still and then later
4:03
in preschool you started to notice more
4:06
of what your doctor was dr vazquez no
4:08
what dr vasquez was noticing yes at that
4:10
point in time
4:12
we had moved to puerto rico
4:14
we put him in a bilingual school his
4:17
preschool teacher started telling us he
4:19
really doesn’t like to color within the
4:21
lines and he doesn’t grasp his crayon
4:24
well and he can’t sit still you really
4:26
need to have him evaluated by an ot not
4:29
being an occupational occupational
4:31
therapist that’s absolutely right and at
4:34
that time the occupational therapist had
4:36
told us you know his pencil grip isn’t
4:38
great
4:39
he much rather be outside riding a bike
4:42
i mean he definitely just doesn’t have
4:44
the attention to sit down and dedicate
4:46
to this
4:47
so she felt like a lot of his
4:51
fine motor skills were being impacted
4:53
because he
4:55
preferred
4:56
doing gross motor things outside and for
4:59
him it was a chore to sit and try to do
5:01
these
5:02
small fine motor movements so
5:06
we moved forward to kindergarten at that
5:08
school
5:09
and that’s the first time a teacher had
5:11
approached us and said
5:13
i have 20 students in this classroom and
5:16
aiden is probably the smartest
5:19
in this class
5:21
but if i take him aside i can teach him
5:24
anything and he grasps it when there’s
5:27
19 other kids in the classroom he just
5:29
can’t sit still enough to
5:31
pay attention you know everything
5:33
distracts him
5:35
so that was really the first time we had
5:37
to sit think about okay
5:39
clearly intelligence isn’t an issue
5:42
but he’s definitely struggling to
5:46
pay attention and how were you feeling
5:49
about all of that during that time it
5:51
was clearly
5:53
something he didn’t have control over
5:56
as a parent it was heartbreaking just
5:58
because
5:59
we knew
6:00
how friendly and
6:03
yeah
6:04
sorry he just wanted to be liked you
6:08
know he just wanted to please
6:10
that’s all he wanted
6:12
and you could tell and it just wasn’t
6:14
working and he couldn’t figure out what
6:16
he was doing wrong
6:18
so it was as a parent
6:21
it oh i’m sorry it is emotional
6:24
just because you see your child
6:25
struggling and
6:28
you know
6:29
that his intentions are to be loved
6:33
but something was getting in the way of
6:35
that do you think michelle that he was
6:38
aware that something was getting in the
6:40
way of that could he express it at all
6:43
he couldn’t
6:44
and
6:45
what we decided to do laura was that was
6:49
around the time that we moved back
6:51
stateside
6:52
and we decided well let’s hold him back
6:55
a year we know that he’s very smart
6:59
maybe if we give him a year to mature
7:02
maybe that will help
7:03
so what we did was when we moved we put
7:06
him back in preschool for that half a
7:08
year
7:09
and that made him very aware so he was
7:13
very very aware of wait a minute i was
7:16
in kindergarten over there and now i’m
7:19
back in preschool
7:20
we
7:21
explained to him that he had been
7:23
learning in a different language he had
7:25
been learning in spanish
7:27
and things were different stateside you
7:30
know at the time that was a good enough
7:32
explanation for him but for us we were
7:34
just really wanting him to be successful
7:37
and it was clear that even though he was
7:40
grasping concepts very quickly
7:43
he was definitely struggling with
7:45
things that required him to sit and pay
7:47
attention like reading
7:49
or coloring or writing and then what
7:52
happened did he get evaluated we still
7:55
weren’t there
7:56
we let him finish out preschool in
7:59
virginia
8:01
and then he went to
8:03
kindergarten again
8:05
and
8:06
he had this sweet
8:08
sweet teacher brand spanking new and mrs
8:13
smith was
8:14
you know i mean it was everything we
8:16
thought would be
8:18
great for someone like aiden because she
8:20
was bubbly and she was young
8:22
and we kept going to our parent teacher
8:26
conferences saying so how’s he doing
8:29
and we kept hearing
8:31
oh he’s doing great
8:33
and we’re like maybe we were wrong maybe
8:35
just giving him that year would help
8:38
or helped him
8:39
and
8:40
we’d keep going to our teacher
8:42
conferences asking hey
8:44
tell us what’s going on with aiden oh no
8:46
he’s doing great he’s so smart he’s the
8:48
smartest one here in the classroom he
8:50
knows everything he needs to know
8:53
and i want to say that spring
8:56
aiden first said
8:57
and i get really emotional
9:00
with this story i i apologize
9:02
but it’s your child you don’t need to
9:04
apologize for sure it was the first time
9:07
that we felt like oh we’ve got to do
9:09
something about this
9:11
but we’ll never i’ll never forget he
9:13
came home and he said
9:14
i’m stupid
9:16
i can never make it to recess
9:18
and that just broke my heart so
9:23
i asked well hey what’s going on here
9:25
why is he not making it to recess ever i
9:28
mean he’s definitely starting to feel
9:31
like he’s not smart and that was the
9:33
whole purpose of us
9:35
holding him back for a year and she said
9:37
he’s really smart but he can’t ever
9:39
finish his work in time and i have to be
9:42
really strict in my class
9:44
and the other students need to see that
9:46
if somebody doesn’t complete their work
9:48
they can’t go to recess
9:50
and that was it i was like yeah if we
9:52
need to get a diagnosis
9:55
so that we can get some accommodations
9:58
made for him that’s what we’re gonna do
10:00
i can’t imagine how that must have felt
10:03
michelle to hear
10:05
aiden say to you
10:06
i’m stupid when you have been observing
10:09
him being so smart excelling in so many
10:13
subjects as the mother of two children
10:15
myself i mean it’s just
10:17
that had to be so difficult how did you
10:19
respond i went mama bear
10:22
on the school
10:23
and that was probably when
10:26
i started advocating for my son and i
10:28
advocated for him all through school but
10:32
that was probably the very first time
10:34
he did receive a diagnosis of adhd at
10:38
the time
10:39
and we sat down with the principal and
10:41
said listen this is not okay
10:44
if he needs to complete work at home
10:47
he can send homework but he cannot
10:50
miss recess
10:51
quite on the contrary somebody like
10:53
aidan absolutely needs recess and he
10:56
does better with recess right that brain
10:59
break that you know release of energy oh
11:02
absolutely
11:09
what did you
11:11
learn
11:12
through aiden’s evaluation process
11:15
that time was very tumultuous for me i
11:17
think that was the very first time
11:20
i decided okay i need to
11:22
start researching and looking into this
11:26
and i think the very first book i got
11:29
was driven to distraction by ned
11:32
hallowell and for me it was very
11:34
emotional because as i was reading it i
11:37
could clearly see
11:40
that aiden definitely fit the profile
11:43
but
11:44
i could see that i had lots of those
11:46
struggles throughout my own life i had
11:50
never done well in school i was a
11:52
mediocre student at best
11:55
the report cards
11:56
starting in first grade
11:58
where you know she’s a sweet girl she
12:01
needs to work harder she needs to
12:03
complete her homework she
12:05
needs to pay more attention or she needs
12:07
to dedicate herself a little bit more to
12:11
class i always felt smart but i always
12:15
felt like something wasn’t really
12:17
working
12:18
so as i’m reading this book
12:21
realizing
12:23
he has adhd
12:26
i started realizing i was struggling
12:28
with the very same thing as he was i
12:31
wasn’t hyper
12:33
i do remember my mom saying that i
12:35
wouldn’t sleep like him but i was very
12:39
reserved i was very quiet so i didn’t
12:42
stick out that much in class but yeah
12:45
that was definitely my aha moment
12:48
i realized there was a name for what i
12:51
had felt in school and that’s why i had
12:55
always been
12:57
successfully unsuccessful it just had
13:00
never clicked i mean learning
13:02
disabilities and adhd back when i was
13:05
growing up was just never spoken about
13:08
especially in latin communities there’s
13:10
very little awareness
13:12
so
13:13
for me it was extra emotional
13:17
going through this process because i was
13:19
going through it as a parent
13:22
but i was also mourning
13:24
myself
13:26
and realizing that
13:29
i
13:29
could have had support
13:32
and
13:33
at the same time realizing that
13:36
you know i had done something
13:38
just out of pure resilience
13:40
i knew something wasn’t right
13:42
and i just figured i couldn’t give up so
13:46
it was a tough time for sure growing up
13:48
did your
13:50
parents notice you struggling like this
13:52
my mom was in education
13:54
so
13:55
when i
13:57
was going through this i went back
13:59
and i
14:00
chatted with her and i did ask her hey
14:03
did you not notice
14:05
that this was going on
14:07
she basically just said i just didn’t
14:09
have very high expectations i just
14:12
didn’t think that you were the smartest
14:14
child in your class
14:16
kind of something to that effect
14:19
and i i
14:20
mom forgive me
14:23
but i mean she just thought that i
14:25
wasn’t
14:26
that smart i guess
14:28
and
14:29
i think that’s what opened my eyes to
14:32
the cultural lack of awareness
14:35
for
14:36
learning
14:38
and attention differences
14:40
and just how we handle it we just
14:42
attribute it to well they’re not that
14:45
smart or
14:46
maybe they are lazy
14:48
there’s a lot of stigma involved with it
14:51
and there’s a lot of shame and it’s just
14:54
not something that is spoken about laura
14:56
in
14:57
the hispanic culture it’s just not the
15:00
awareness that we have yeah and this is
15:02
not about judgment of people noticing or
15:05
not noticing that’s actually why we’re
15:07
here talking about
15:09
the things that you notice both in
15:11
yourself and in aiden
15:13
it took me 30 years
15:16
right
15:17
it took everyone i talked to on this
15:19
podcast there was a long period of time
15:21
during which they were confused or the
15:25
people around them were confused and i
15:26
think you’re right because there is a
15:27
lot of shame and it can be baffling
15:29
sometimes i’m hearing this thread in
15:31
your story about aiden who obviously is
15:33
extremely intelligent but thought he was
15:36
stupid
15:37
and he’s not stupid you worrying about
15:39
being perceived that way and even
15:41
potentially being perceived that way in
15:42
your own family for better or worse
15:45
now you were diagnosed five years ago is
15:48
that right that’s correct
15:50
so we know that
15:51
adhd tends to run in families a child
15:54
with adhd
15:56
has a one in four chance of having at
15:57
least one parent who has it
16:00
do you ever notice signs of adhd and
16:02
your mom for instance have you
16:05
for sure in both of my parents so
16:09
my mom she was always a very high
16:12
achiever
16:13
she definitely struggled to keep things
16:15
organized and even though she was
16:19
definitely never diagnosed with anything
16:21
i do find she
16:23
gets easily distracted and is forgetful
16:27
i didn’t realize these symptoms until i
16:30
started researching them in myself
16:32
my dad on the other hand
16:34
was very much like aidan
16:38
just brilliant he knew five languages
16:40
and he studied business because he felt
16:43
like he had to support a family but he
16:44
hated it
16:46
and he was just
16:48
very much
16:49
if there had been
16:51
anyone that would have for sure received
16:54
a diagnosis i think it would have been
16:55
him
16:57
[Music]
17:04
i work with you michelle you are not
17:06
stupid in any way and i hate that’s a
17:08
gross word i want to flip it you are
17:10
extremely intelligent i see that every
17:12
day working with you and you accommodate
17:15
for
17:16
your challenges and it just makes you
17:17
stronger
17:19
it has been a learning process laura and
17:22
i’ve always felt very
17:25
smart but in an intuitive sense
17:29
not so much in a book smart way and i
17:32
have to say that even as i realized
17:36
going through aiden’s diagnosis hey this
17:39
is what i have
17:41
it took almost 20 years for me to go and
17:43
get myself diagnosed because even though
17:46
i had the awareness of yeah he clearly
17:49
got this from me
17:50
and i could talk about it and i was
17:52
advocating for him i just never felt
17:55
like well this is about me and my
17:58
disability i always felt well this is
18:00
about him i’ll never forget having those
18:02
conversations of
18:04
well you need to organize his backpack
18:06
and you need to organize his schedule
18:08
and you need to
18:10
keep him on a routine
18:12
and i finally told our pediatrician i
18:14
was like i can’t do that
18:16
so you’re expecting me to do with him
18:19
something that i don’t have the skills
18:21
to do
18:22
and i think that is what eventually led
18:25
me
18:26
to getting a diagnosis and getting the
18:28
support that i needed because it was
18:31
very hard i know that as a parent you
18:33
want to do what those caregivers are
18:35
telling you to do with your child but
18:38
when you’re also lacking those skills
18:40
it is really tough if you don’t look for
18:44
the support that you need it’s very
18:46
tough to support your child
18:48
so yeah that was pivotal in me seeking
18:51
out my own diagnosis
18:53
how are you coping what did that adhd
18:55
diagnosis
18:57
like how did that help you get the
18:59
support and accommodations that you
19:00
needed i think in my case it was more
19:05
relief because even though i knew it
19:09
just somebody telling me
19:10
it’s okay this is just
19:13
the way you think
19:15
allowed me to be forgiving with myself
19:18
it allowed me to be a better therapist
19:20
you know i was working in the preschool
19:22
by the time i did get a diagnosis and a
19:25
lot of parents were coming to see me
19:28
with concerns about their own children
19:31
and
19:32
it was so much easier to say hey listen
19:34
it’s gonna be okay
19:36
i was in your shoes
19:38
with my own son
19:41
and i was in your shoes
19:43
as an adult with adhd let’s find a
19:46
village but allow yourself to realize
19:50
that
19:52
we all have strengths
19:54
and we all have things that we’re not so
19:57
good at
19:58
let’s support those things we’re not so
20:00
good at while we’re highlighting those
20:02
strengths i think that helped
20:05
my conversation
20:06
with those parents of children that i
20:08
was treating but it also helped with my
20:11
healing process i was thinking earlier
20:13
about you know everything you were
20:15
saying about what aiden was going
20:17
through
20:18
and
20:19
i was just wondering did your
20:20
relationship with aiden change
20:24
when you found out that you had adhd or
20:26
even when you suspected it for sure so
20:28
the joke in our family is that aidan and
20:30
i understand each other that we speak
20:32
the same language even though sometimes
20:35
it’s hard to come up with the words or
20:37
the right language that we want to use
20:40
we are really good at other things and
20:43
we could definitely talk to each other
20:45
about okay
20:47
yeah so
20:48
we can’t keep our sock drawer clean
20:51
but
20:52
we’re very intuitive and looking at
20:54
other people and seeing
20:57
what they’re feeling perhaps i love that
21:00
michelle it sounds like there’s just a
21:01
lot of electricity in the air between
21:03
you and aiden
21:05
for sure it helps that
21:07
when he was little when we first went to
21:10
get that diagnosis i said his
21:12
pediatrician at that time was very good
21:15
and i’ll never forget her name was dr
21:17
sprinkle and she told us i love that
21:19
name
21:20
she was amazing and of course i’m in
21:23
tears because i know this is what’s
21:25
coming and i’ll never forget
21:27
she said
21:28
michelle in an agreement society
21:32
adhd it’s not that it didn’t exist but
21:34
we were out and we were in the field so
21:37
we weren’t having to sit
21:39
for hours on end and we weren’t having
21:41
to pay attention for hours on end so it
21:45
wasn’t a thing but
21:47
your child lives in this world
21:50
and he is being judged by others in this
21:54
world and i remember her saying
21:57
the side effects of medication are
21:59
short-term
22:01
the side effects of a low self-esteem
22:03
because others don’t understand your
22:05
child
22:06
are for life
22:08
and that’s when i was able to have that
22:09
conversation with aiden and say you know
22:12
our brains are just different
22:14
we think in different ways
22:16
we
22:17
have other gifts
22:20
so
22:21
letting people judge us by the things
22:23
that we can’t do
22:24
is just short-sighted by other people
22:28
and as long as we know that it’s okay
22:30
aidan is so lucky to have you you are so
22:32
lucky to have aiden
22:34
the two of you together sound like two
22:36
peas in a pod and just are really
22:37
lifting each other up i mean that gives
22:39
me chills michelle i think it’s
22:40
fantastic he’s definitely a great kid
22:43
how’s he doing lately what’s he up to
22:46
oh my goodness so he’s made me go gray
22:51
and
22:52
it has been a journey of highs and lows
22:57
with a child with adhd we continued on
23:00
and there was definitely other things
23:02
going on so he eventually got
23:05
diagnosed with learning disabilities and
23:08
stealth dyslexia
23:10
he graduated high school and he got a
23:13
scholarship to play lacrosse at the
23:15
university
23:16
and it was a very exciting time with
23:20
kovid he definitely
23:22
struggled big time
23:24
and he
23:25
was injured
23:27
he couldn’t play lacrosse and he was not
23:30
doing well in school and he was
23:31
definitely not
23:33
thriving with online instruction
23:36
and last december we had to pull him out
23:39
of school i mean he was probably the
23:41
lowest point i’ve ever seen him just
23:43
very depressed we were very worried
23:45
about him
23:46
but we put him in a community college
23:48
near us and we were rehabbing him as far
23:51
as his physical injuries
23:53
and he’s really good at things outdoors
23:56
he’s always good with wilderness and so
24:00
we signed him up for a wilderness school
24:02
he was accepted when it came time for
24:04
him to go he was like i really think i
24:06
would love this but i need to go back to
24:08
school and finish what i started
24:10
and both my husband and i were like that
24:12
might not be the right environment for
24:14
you we’re not 100 sure but he worked his
24:16
behind off and he got back to the
24:19
university where he was initially
24:21
accepted to and he’s been working with
24:24
the lacrosse coach and getting
24:27
himself back on track
24:29
and he texted me last night he got a 91
24:33
on his accounting midterm so he has
24:36
definitely grown up and he has worked
24:38
really hard
24:40
to get where he is
24:41
wow michelle i mean if that’s not a
24:43
story of resilience i don’t know
24:45
what is
24:46
it’s amazing to watch he’s definitely my
24:49
hero he’s
24:51
not the perfect child
24:53
but he’s definitely perfect for us
24:55
michelle thank you so so much for being
24:57
here i know you from working with you i
25:00
see you in action you do such great work
25:02
for
25:02
understood
25:04
but
25:05
talking with you hearing your story
25:06
hearing about aiden i just feel even
25:09
more deeply connected to you now so
25:10
thank you so much for being here the
25:12
pleasure is all mine thank you so much
25:14
for having me laura
25:17
[Music]
25:24
you’ve been listening to adhd aha from
25:26
the understood podcast network you can
25:29
listen and subscribe to adhd aha on
25:31
apple spotify or anywhere you get your
25:33
podcasts and if you like what you heard
25:35
today tell someone about the show we
25:38
rely on listeners like you to reach and
25:40
support more people and if you want to
25:42
share your own aha moment email us at
25:45
adhdaha understood.org
25:48
i’d love to hear from you you can go to
25:50
u.org
25:52
adhd aha to find details on each episode
25:55
and related resources that’s the letter
25:58
u as an understood dot o r g slash adhd
26:03
aha understood as a non-profit and
26:05
social impact organization
26:08
we have no affiliation with
26:09
pharmaceutical companies
26:11
learn more at understood.org
26:14
mission
26:15
adhd aha is produced by jessamine mali
26:18
say hi jessamine hi everyone justin d
26:21
wright created our music seth melnick
26:24
and brianna berry are our production
26:25
directors scott kosher is our creative
26:28
director
26:29
and i’m your host laura kee editorial
26:31
director at understood thanks so much
26:34
for listening
26:36
[Music]
27:06
you

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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The post ADHD Runs in the Family With Michelle Lassiter [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.